i have been doing a lot of heart searching lately.
any good Christian knows that God searches the heart, but the Christian that searches his heart is rare.
unfortunately
i have a friend who was praying that i’d step into parts of my heart that i didn’t know and was afraid to. that prayer has been, is being, and will continue to be answered in me.
my heart is a scary place. do you identify?
God commands so much of us, and yet settles for so little. why???????
why do we make God suffer with so little of the so much that he so kindly asks of us?
i search my heart. and i question. i question my motives. are they pure? why did i bless that person? was it to genuinely bless them, or was it to gain some sort of sick, selfish pleasure beacause I blessed them? sick. why do i pray what i pray to God? do i pray for the benefit of others, or for my own convenience? why do i what i do? why????????!!???!!?!?
i have been praying that God’s reality would eventually become more real to me than this perverted physical reality. the demands on our easily perceiving senses are so easy to yield to without realizing it. but the requests God makes of us, perceivable only in a Spirit, practiced only in obedient love to King Christ, are hard to hear and understand.
but it’s possible. i have taken this saturday as a sort of sabbath. i have been searching my heart. i have been doing my best to yield to God my whole heart and let him search it. for we truly cannot control our hearts. no matter our best efforts, they do things that we have no control over.
which is why often times we distance ourselves from our true selves, because we’re scared of the control over us our hearts have. and thus the product is the very thing we hate to become. a viscious cycle. not broken by being merely saved, but only by King Christ’s power in a truly transforming way, met with glorious Scripture, changed by unchangeable words of God.
you youth are so real, so genuine. you don’t hide because you’re young. you hate fakeness and you can smell it in harrisburg. but unless you let God search your heart, and change it, you will eventually fade into what you don’t want to ever encounter.
God searching and changing our hearts is PAINFUL!!!!! it hurts! it stinks! i hate it! i honestly do not like it! it’s hard! it’s hard to yield! it’s hard to be honest, real, genuine to God! we want to say “i believe you wholeheartedly God!!!” and we want to impress God with our undying love and faith. but he’d rather we come to his feet, with no faith, no belief, no trust, but a heart willing to learn, and a genuine teachable spirit.
search your heart. guaranteed you’ll scare yourself. but it is worth it. with God, you can do it. you are deep, because God made you that way. and your depth will be either a great blessing to you, your family, your friends, and every person you ever meet, or it will be a wretched curse to all life.
you choose.
God loves you. and he will help you choose rightly. simply ask him for help. he will. and it’s okay to take time. i’ve been saved for 5 years….it will take time. and that’s okay.
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